French and Saunders - Part II

The show started with the French and Saunders theme tune followed by the big screen at the back of the stage showing a film sketched where they play the two old women. They are making their way to the show and you see they are in this buggy that is being driven by a hamsters through the countryside and through the town. When they went to a long shot, where you could see them from a distance, they turned into plastic dolls and it was so funny. Then they'd pass signs for Manchester and make their way into the theatre still being driven by a hamster on this buggy and then the screen went blank and this mini buggy with the dolls on was driven across the stage to a load of laughter from the audience.

Then on walk French and Saunders in matching outfits which are basically a piss take out of Simon Cowel. They have grey trousers on that come up to their arm pits and black long sleeve t-shirts underneath and black coverse trainers. They play themselves at this point and Jennifer (Saunders) mentions that some of Dawn's (French) family are in the audience and Dawn turns round and has a go at Jen for mentioning her family and they have a play fight and end up throwing themselves on the floor and basically fighting with fresh air.

One of the first sketches they go into is based at a bus stop and they play teenagers. Jens character is telling Dawn's character that she has a boy coming round and that her parents are going to be away to which Dawn goes into hilerious detail about the size of a mans "togger" and idicates the size with her arm and it's about 3 foot long. She says that when you have sex the "togger" goes inside the girl and keeps bashing against the hymen until it breaks, when the hyman breaks a egg falls out (she idicates the size of the egg with her hands again and it's about 2 foot big) and tells her there is green slime and blood everywhere and she has to clean it up with the towels that she had to put down before sex and put the egg in the towel and flush it down the toilet otherwise she will have a baby. It was just so funny.

While Jen went off and got changed Dawn went into the audience and stole people's chocolate and generally made people laugh a lot. Then Jen did the most hilerious parady of Madonna and the song "hung up" but her own version. So it started like the original video (this was shown on the big screen) where madonna goes into a dance studio with a big stereo and starts dancing round and posing in front of the mirror. Well Jen comes on (on screen) and she has the leotard on etc like Madonna but comes in with the biggest stereo ever. She had giant,almost knee length, skin coloured knickers on under the leotard which was obviously done on purpose and was sooo funny. She is doing really dodgy dancing in front of the mirrors and pulling the leotard out of her arse. Then the screen goes blank and the stage hands wheel on a wall with a pole on and on comes Jen as Madonna and gyrates up and down the pole just like Madonna did in her live shows and then starts to do the dodgy dancing around the stage and pretends to hurt herself and pretends not to be able to get up with was so funny and on walks Dawn and tells her off for trying to do Madonna at her age (in fact Jen is the exact age as Madonna). Then she has to help her across the stage to where a big white sofa has been brought on. I must admit Jen has a nice pair of legs and certainly aint shy because you could see her black knickers under the skin coloured tights because they were bigger than the leotard she had on. I must admit I almost wet myself laughing during this Madonna piss take, it was just so funny and you need to see it to appreciate it.

They did the original Ab Fab sketch were Dawn played Saffy, they did it word for word. That TV show is one of my all time TV shows so when they started the theme tune for it I was really made up about it because the character from the show who Jen plays, Edina Monsoon, is my all time favorite TV character and I truly hope she writes another series of it. It was so amazing to see it live in front of my very eyes and it's not something I will ever forget. I'd love to be in that TV show if only for one episode it would be like a dream come true for me. To true form the sketch was very funny.

They did a lot of pre-recorded sketches which of coursse gave them time to go off and get changed into other outfits to play other characters.
All of a sudden Born to be Wild started to be played and Jen and Dawn came on in their old ladies outfits on electric shooters and drove round the stage. That was so funny, laugh a second comedy and when they left the stage on the scooters the big screen came on and it saw them go out the theatres back door and down onto the main road where they drove along it (obvious pre-filmed) and Jen's scooter had a backet at the front with a flask in which she opened and poured a cup of tea and passed it to Dawn's character. They ended up in a gym and bumped into two of the professional dancers from Strictly come dancing. Then the stage turned into a Strictly come dancing stage with Dawn's old lady character coming on with Anton Du Beck which turned out to be a dummy and Jen's charachter came on with Brendan Cole which again was a dummy. They both danced round this these dummies and for those who don't know about Brendan he's a bit of a player who gets together with the celebs he dances with so they played on that with Jen going out of sigth for 5 seconds and she came back on with Bredan upside down up her skirt and then he ended up on to of her on the floor having sex with her.

During the show when they played themselves they were pissing around joking about who is the bigger start out of the two of them from their shows Vicar of Dibley and Ab Fab. Personally I think it's Jen because she's been in lots of big films including playing the fairy godmother in Shrek 2. Anyway near the end Dawn walks on with this 20 foot moving doll of her character from Vicar of Dibley while Jen was in a white box on stage. Jen was pretending not to like Dawn's character from the show and started insisting she was a comedy godess when all of a sudden the bix lid opened and Jen went floating upwards on these wires. She had a white flowing gown on that went to the floor and had these massive arms and when she spoke this big earthy voice was replaced over hers and all this smoke appeared and it was so funny and she was basically telling Dawn to admit she was the bigger star when one of her arms fell off and Dawn went and got the rope that was holding Jen up and swung her across the stage, up and down and all over the place and wouldn't lift her up until she admitted Dawn was much bigger than she and in the end she did.

They did their own version of Abba's "Thank you for the music" at the end and it was funny and brought a tear to my eye because after the tour there will be no more French and Saunders and then they bowed and went off.
Then two voices started to shout "cab for French and Saunders, Cab for French and Saunders" and on came Jen and Dawn in the outfits of the two dirty old men. OMG! This was so funny, the men come on and they always talk about "giving on to" women etc and said "oh she's wants it, she wants me to give it to her" while they pointed at an audeience member. They then went up to a wall that had been placed on the stage and turned their backs to us and pretended to piss on it. Then Jen's character turned round and his dick was hanging out. I was in a total fit of giggles at this point and couldn't stop laughing, it was just so funny. It looked so real and the of course Dawn's character turned round with his nob out and Jen's put hers away but Dawn's couldn't get his away so Jen's had to do it and the other character got off on it and they ended up dry humping each other *LOL*!!

They then took their wigs and maks off and took their final bows before rushing off the stage.
What a show!! I loved it and I would love nothing more than to see it again, I wish I could see every night of the tour because it wss just so wonderful and I am so sad to know they aren't going to do it anymore, I wish they would because they are wonderful and so funny live.
I've not gone into detail about all the show because that would simply take way too long but it was probably one of the best nights of my life, never laughed so much and would love to see them again if that was ever possible.