Only When I Sleep

WOW it has been 6 weeks since I last posted on this blog, the last one I did was on June 1st so at least I didn't miss a month out or anything. I have been mainly posting my blogs on my Myspace account and I'm meant to post a copy on here but I totally forgot so the ones I have done since the last one I will post on here over the next week.
I have one blog on the go at the moment and another 2-4 to write so as soon as they are done I will post those too. I don't know when those will be done but some time over the next 4 weeks I guess. The blog I am working on at the moment is from the Bon Jovi concert I went to on the 24th June. I shall then be doing a blog about my trip to London. Once I have done my London blog I will be doing one about the 4 days that Nathan and Dianna spent here as well as one about Asda (you have to read the blog to know why I would write a blog about Asda) and then I have to write a blog about my time in Scunthorpe. I went there to see Dianna and Nathan last week because they are going back to Denmark on Wednesday of this week and I won't be able to see them again until some time in November. My trip to Scunthorpe was certainly eventful because I got very ill and my dad had to come and get me in the end. I've never been as ill and Nathan and Dianna didn't realise how ill I was, I tried to keep how bad I was feeling to myself but even when I did describe some of my symptoms they didn't quite comprehend just how bad I felt. When my dad was with us my stomach was in so much pain I felt like someone was stabbing me (repeatably) with a knife. It made walking almost impossible. Three days later and I'm still ill but slowly getting better, I think it will be a little while until I feel 100% again because I still feel sick all the time and can't manage to eat much no matter how hungry I am. I really messed up my stomach with being so ill.

I might as well do a bit of a blog now I am here.

I am so tired, been staying up all night on MSN for the past couple of months and the lack of sleep is really getting to me now. I can't keep it up anymore because I normally get up on four hours sleep and never nap in the afternoon. I can't nap in the afternoon because it just makes me even more tired.
Everything in my life is suffering because of my late nights but the most important thing in my life is suffering more than anything and that's my study. I have now decided that things can't carry on this way and I must stop my late nights and get back into some kind of routine. If I don't do this then I am going to fail my course and I can't do that because it would add another year onto my degree and I don't want that to happen. I have worked so hard on this but I am throwing it away by my late nights. I go to bed when most people are getting up and then I get up 4 hours later and am too tired to do anything so then I waste my time on the computer all day and it can't carry on. On the times I do get 8 hours sleep I still end up waking up tired because staying up all night talking is tiring. I so need to catch up on all my sleep. I do thing that if I go to bed at a normal time I can sleep for 8-10 hours and still wake up tired and that is because of the months of lack of sleep. If I go to get late I can't sleep late because if I wake up at say 10am after 4 hours sleep, because it is light outside my body tells me that I have to get up so I get up even though I don't want to and then of course I am tired all day long.

SO from now on I plan on being in bed before 1am. When I study and work and do everything I used to do everyday I'm tired by 10pm anyway and don't tend to want to come online anyway but that hasn't been the case for the last 2 months because I've not been doing anything all day to make me that tired.
But from now I am starting to get back into a routine again because I just have so much to do. I am very close to failing my course. The last assignment I failed badly because I didn't do the course work because I was either too ill or too tired and then I rushed through about half of it and left the other half and did the assignment in about 5 hours and of course I failed. I thought I would. It was stupid of me because I kept preferring to go online and then do nothing all day when I should of been studying. At times I am my own worst enemy.
I have an assignment due tomorrow and I only started the course work today. I asked for a 2 week extension on Saturday and haven't heard from my tutor yet which is a worry because if she says no I have then failed my course because of my stupidity for staying up all night for the past two months and then being lazy all day. This degree is the most important thing in my life so if I have messed it up I will go offline all week and maybe come on at weekends but I guess that wouldn't be much of a punishment.
The other thing is if my tutor does give me an extension I don't know if I can pass because of all the other course work I have missed out on. Because from the start of a course the course work is designed to help you work on your skills and develop them as you go along and because I've skipped tons of work over the past 10 weeks I have missed lots of developing skills and of course I don't have the time to go back over them right now.
So it is going to be tough for me to pass this one. I don't think anyone actually understands how hard this course is and how much work is involved. If I study properly I can spend up to five hours a day five times a week and 7 days a week 1-2 weeks now and then and some times more. When I say I have 500 pages to read I don't think they realise how much that is and it isn't tiny pages it's big massive pages double sided and on top of that I have an work exercise to do every 2-4 pages so it is hard but when I tell people I don't think they just understand it and how much of my time it does take up. Another thing is study tires me out so I don't really want to go online. For 4 months of the year I wasn't on MSN except maybe once every 6 weeks and that was in because if I am studying 3-5 hours a day and working 1-4 hours and cleaning for an hour and cooking for an hour it is a long and tiring day and on top of that I like to get out and have a walk at least once a day so by time I have finished all that it is 8-10pm and I am tired and don't want to go online because I am so tired. Most nights I liked to just watch a DVD or have a early night and I haven't done that in about 3 months now and I really miss it. I miss studying and working hard. I feel like my friends won't understand if I am not online every night. I know I won't want to be online more than 2-3 nights a week when I am back on that routine and then I wouldn't want to stay on too late, maybe 12-1am or something like that because reading and using my brain to answer questions all day just makes me way too tired.
I guess I will just have to talk to my friends and tell them I need to go back to my old routine again in hope of passing this course. I will then have to carry it on until the end of next year when it all should ease off a little. I finish this course at the middle of October with a three hour exam which I must revise for and then 3 days later I am off to Amsterdam for 5 days to do a half marathon which I must start training for and then I come back and it's my birthday and 2 new course start and then I see Maroon 5 and with some luck I will be off to Denmark for 5 days.

I started running and then stopped because I was ill a lot but even on the days I felt well (which wasn't often) I didn't get out and run. By now I should be running 10ks with ease but I can't even run 20 metres anymore when I got up to 200 metres so I need to sort my health out. When I get over the illness I got when I was away I will see how my general health is and if it isn't any better I will go and see the doctor because I must start running again because I am running out of time to train. I need to be able to run 13+ miles by the end of September and the way that things are going that isn't likely to happen. I think the late nights haven't helped but now that I have stopped them I should see how my health is and then start running. Of course once I do that I won't be online on the nights that I run because I was be so tired that all I will have the strength for it a shower and then to bed. I did like running when I tried before but all this rain is putting me off because it will make me cold because I run and walk so I need to buy a proper waterproof running jacket I think. I also need to get out on my bike because I bought a new bike 3 months ago and went on it once so I think the best thing I can now buy is a waterproof jacket so as soon as I have finished this I will get one online and as soon as I feel better I can go walking and then maybe jog and walk and see how I feel.

Anyway the end is here and I don't feel well and want to go to bed so I am going to finish this here and should post some more blogs in the coming weeks so look out for those.